I Want To Be Politically Engaged But I Also Want To Breathe| How I’m Approaching Politics in 2019
I am a naturally inquisitive and empathetic person. I feel most excited and fulfilled when learning new things and discussing important and progressive ideas. Politics energises me, but it also exhausts me.
I’m writing this on the eve of the 2019 General Election, of which I have become consumed with. It’s the first time I’ve felt exhilarated by British politics in years. But I’m also anxious. I’m angry. I’m overwhelmed. I can’t sleep because I’ve spent the entirety of all my days over the past month, especially the parts in which I’m supposed to be relaxing, reading and watching videos about the upcoming election. I’ve even been out posting leaflets for my local Labour party in an effort to do something that isn’t just shouting into the echo chamber that is social media. And I want to do this! I am choosing to do this!
But to understand what is going on in the world and to attempt to do something about it, for me, is all-consuming. I can’t draw the line between being involved in politics and maintaining my mental health. The injustice that I witness in staying so insistently informed stays with me, after closing tabs and deleting apps and turning the lights off to go to bed. It permeates my thoughts and my speech, as I struggle to partake in a conversation without slipping into talking about politics and the current state of the world. It even permeates my body, as my anxiety is so intrinsically linked to my physical health, and can often render me physically sick.
But I’m not writing this post in an attempt to gain sympathy. I imagine a great deal of people feel this way and that is why so many people remain apolitical. But as Grace Beverley put, a woman who is using her platform for so many fantastic causes, and as many have reiterated: ‘being apolitical in itself is a political act, and in fact an inherently selfish one.’ And to be able to be apolitical is a privilege, as that means that you’re lucky enough to be in a position where politics doesn’t directly negatively impact your life, as it does for so many POC, the LGBTQ+ community, people living in austerity and an endless amount of other groups of people.
So for me, to remove politics out of my life is not an option, and I think the guilt this would cause would be unbearable. Over the past couple of years to try and balance the overwhelm politics has caused me, I’ve tried to stay less informed. Whilst I’ve still generally understood what’s going on in the world, mostly the Western world, I’m embarrassed to admit, and in politics, I’ve attempted to distance myself from it. But as I mentioned earlier, I’m an inquisitive and empathetic person who wants to feel connected. To read a short BBC summary of an event in order to ensure I’m basically informed is so unfulfilling and frustrating for me, even if it does mean I can fall asleep within an hour of putting my head on the pillow. I want to stay informed and I want to fight injustice and this general election has reminded me of that.
To be able to do so without it affecting my mental and physical health quite so negatively will be a challenge. But it’s a challenge that I really believe in. And as someone who lives with a huge amount of privilege and is lucky enough to have the option to remain apolitical, I think it would be unbelievably selfish and individualistic for me to do so. And politics that advantage the individual over society are not the types of politics I believe in.
I am painfully cynical about the result of today’s General Election because cynicism is most definitely a coping mechanism I use to shield myself from disappointment, which I fear so much, especially for an election which is as critical as this one.
But I am also hopeful and when I cross the Labour box at my polling station today, I will do so with a hopefulness that there are people who want the same world that I do and who are fighting tirelessly in order for it to materialise.
Politics can make you feel hopeless and isolated but know that your democratic right to vote today is an opportunity for agency and one that we must all take. It’s empowering and even if everything else about the current state of politics makes you despair, this is your chance make your claim on how you want the world to be, and you MUST use it!
I’ve told myself that I won’t be staying up to watch the election results be counted but it’s very likely that I’ll still be up at 3am tonight, probably having bitten off my entire fingernails with anxiety. It’s not good for my health (or my Christmas manicure) but it’s good for my mind and my soul and frankly, it’s non-negotiable, because I naturally care and I am hopeful that caring can make the world a better place.
